Post your Texas jokes on this thread:

Texas 50th Wedding Anniversary

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a Ft. Worth cafe, four elderly Texas ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the "good old days."

Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?"

"Yup, we sure are," Roy replied. "Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked.

The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our 25th anniversary, I took the misses to San Antonio. For our 50th, I'm thinking 'bout going down there again to pick her up."

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Gabriel came to the Lord and said " I have to talk to you. We have some

Texans up here in Heaven who are causing problems. They're swinging on

the pearly gates, my horn is missing, barbecue sauce is all over their

robes, their dogs are riding in the chariots, and they're wearing

baseball caps and cowboy hats instead of their halos. They refuse to

keep the stairway to Heaven clean. There are watermelon seeds and pig

feet bones all over the place. Some of them are walking around with just one wing."

The Lord said, "I made them special, Gabriel. Heaven is Home to all my

children. If you really want to know about real problems, let's call the Devil."

The Devil answered the phone, " Hello? Damn, hold on a minute."

The Devil returned to the phone, "O.K., I'm back. What can I do for you?"

The Lord replied, "I just want to know what kind of problems you're having down there."

The Devil said, "Hold on again. I need to check on something."

After about 5 minutes the Devil returned to the phone and said, "I'm

back. Now what was the question?"

The Lord said, "What kind of problems are you having down there?"

The Devil said, "Man, I don't believe this....Hold on, Lord."

This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes. The Devil returned and said ,

"I'm sorry Lord, I can't talk right now. Them damn Texans done put out

the fire and are trying to install air conditioning."

^^^^^^^

Top 10 Reasons To Live in Corpus Christi, Texas


10. You like the way the wind and humidity make your hair look.

9. You think sweat stains are sexy.

8. You get an adrenaline rush every time you squish a big cockroach.

7. You always wanted a job as a convenience store clerk.

6. You've always wondered if allergy shots are as painful as everyone says.

5. You think movies with subtitles are a bore.

4. You like being on a first-name basis with your dermatologist.

3. You never cared for winter sports that much anyway.

2. You've always dreamed of meeting Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

1. You think Padre Island is where they film Baywatch.

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